my first step is no longer an accidental skip. i can feel the fairytales waltzing away from me, hiding in the residues of reality that have infiltrated every aspect of my life. no matter how many falling leaves i catch, 11:11’s i glance at, water fountains i pass, shooting stars i witness… i cannot bring myself to make a wish because i stopped believing in all that i wished for. every night the shutters of my eyes lock tight and i silently pray that my rib cages are enough to protect the beating organ within from the perilous vulnerability of dreams.

^{“my stupid brain is constantly talking me out of happiness. i can’t listen to anything else, my mind is too loud.”
“get a microphone. hold it up to your heart. it will be louder.”}

won’t you please hold it up for me, against my chest, let me feel the vibrations of every syncopated pulse, hold it up for me, against my chest, let me feel like i exist again.